Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tough times... or so they say

Last week at work brought about the announcement of (temporary) pay cuts and (permanent) health benefit increase in cost. All of that essentially means a 13% pay cut for the short term and 10% long term. It's not quite the reality of it, but that's how it feels. As I sat in the meeting with the president of Oaklawn and she announced the various measures to be taken, I was sad and worried. I already feel like I struggle to pay bills and still be able to do things with my children or even go out and have fun for myself. There's the additional stress of the need to move soon, personal life chaos, and just work and the nature of the kind of job that I have.

In addition to the concern and fear though, I felt hope... maybe that's not quite the right word. But I found I wasn't nearly as upset as I thought I should have been or as a lot of other people visibly were. Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy about the reduction in pay. It's scary when there are bills to be paid and all of the sudden you're not sure how the money will divvy itself out. But there's more to life than money.

Wednesday night a new chapter of life started, officially. So I came into work Thursday in a fabulous mood, so much so that not even announcements of the nature they were really bothered me. I'm feeling more focused, less in limbo, like there is finally a clear path to follow. Relationships are hard, no two ways about it, but even with the challenges of distance and various complications, this feels easier than anything I've previously experienced. I've found someone I can be completely open and honest with, whether that means sharing of my deepest fears, fighting out differences of opinion or just being silly and playful together. It's a freedom I've not felt before and it's induced a kind of euphoria, maybe that's the relief of knowing more clearly what all of this is, but I don't think so. I think it's a happiness that I've longed for and searched for for a long time. A connection that isn't something you find every day.

I sound like a sappy romance novel, but I don't care. It's nice to be needed, wanted and loved, as well as to need, want and love. Life is good, tough but good.

amor y paz,

Friday, February 5, 2010

I'm still standing...

Sort of anyway. These last three weeks have been unbelievably rough on all fronts: work, personal, hobbies, just life in general I suppose. Added responsibility at work has been a blessing and a curse I suppose. I suppose it's a compliment that they think I can do it, but then again, who else would they downsized. :) But I did get a really nice email from my boss's boss, it was nice to be recognized.

Personally... things aren't really going in a direction I would have ever thought I need be concerned about. It's opened my eyes, hindsight is 20/20 they say and I'm feeling mighty blind in the here and now. I told my boss the other day that I'd like to just fast forward about six months when everything will be calmed down. I'll know where I'm living, work will hopefully be under control, and things on the personal side of life will have smoothed out. blah!

I'm quite certain this is going to be one of those posts that I come back to read later and think, "Yuck! This is why I don't write!" Ah well, it is what it is. It'd been a little while, so I wrote, and now it will probably be a little while again. :)

amor y paz,