I love my job, I really do. And I'm damn good at it, too. That said, this has to have been one of the most stressful months of my life. The past two years have been filled with major life changes and they seem mild to the stress I have felt this month. It's a sad state of affairs when my last thoughts before sleep are of Oaklawn and worrying about what I'm going to come into in the morning. Six months ago things were hard on my all boys unit. Acuity was high and all day, everyday was code after code dealing with unsafe behaviors, aggression and general insanity. Even that didn't feel as stressful.
People don't work in mental health for the money. It's a passion, you often feel like you give and you give with no return, but it's one of the most rewarding experiences. I need to remember that after weeks and months like these past few. There are the kids that you have such high hopes for, that are likable and if they could just see their own potential and the support that they have could do so many amazing things, but then they make that one super stupid decision that if you could find them, you'd want to smack them upside the head and ask them what the hell were they thinking. Those are the ones that discourage and make you question your sanity.
The kids I need to think about at times like this are the ones that I've watched grow and learn those things about themselves. Two weeks from tomorrow one of these kids will be moving to a group home, something that 6 months ago seemed like one of the worst ideas ever. I have truly been with this resident from the very beginning as I went with one other staff to pick the resident up from court and to bring to Oaklawn. When I first met this young person my first thoughts were: immature for the age, looked incredibly young and was very focused on bunnies, lol. Almost the entire drive back from court I heard about lop-eared bunnies and I swore if I heard the words lop and eared again I was going to go insane. Lop-eared bunnies are still a favorite, as are pretty much all animals, but there has been amazing growth too. I'm so proud of the accomplishments that have been made and that as a whole Oaklawn has been part of the growth for this person.
This needs to be my focus, the successes... but in the midst of the stress and disappointment, it's the most difficult to see.
amor y paz,