Saturday, February 16, 2008

Just this side of sanity

There are just times... days, moments, hours.... that I can see the edge right there. So close I could touch it and sometimes so close that I wonder if I've just crossed over it. I usually chalk it up to some seriously heavy PMS or weather or whatever random excuse seems appropriate at the time.

Then there are nights like tonight and I just swear I'm looking at that line from the side of just having crossed it. Like the world is closing in and I have no power to get out. I want nothing more to curl into a fetal position and avoid it all until things get better, but then find myself wondering if they can.

I hate when I feel like this. I hate that I'm a person that can't seem to get her shit together, despite the facade of having my shit together. And so here I sit. Writing on my blog, avoiding talking to an actual human being because I want nothing more than to be left alone by actual people so I can sit here and sob with no need to explain to anyone that I'm terrified I've crossed that line.

amor y paz,


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