Monday, August 1, 2011

Somtimes you feel like a nut...

sometimes you just feel like an ass. I have been in a weird mood all day, not necessarily bad or grumpy, this day has just felt off. I'll just call it uber-Monday and blame it on that. :)

In all seriousness though, this evening has turned into one of reflection and introspection. While at the grocery store with my kids after supper, I ran into my best friend's younger brother. I thought how he has a lot of facial hair now, and he's not the scrawny kid I remember. :) It's been a long time... he mentioned how big my kids have gotten and that his sister, my best friend, was in town over the weekend. Well she once was my best friend, and I would still consider her to be that, but I in many ways trounced on that relationship. She offered me respite and a place of contemplation during a time in my life I was struggling to figure out who I was and what the hell I wanted out of life. It was a dark and pretty miserable time for me. She helped me realize that I could and should go to school before my kids were all in school. That it was a doable option and I was a capable student. And I was, to put it lightly, a shitty house guest.

I try to live my life without regret, to learn from experiences I've had, both the good and the bad, I'm quite certain I've talked about it on this very blog. This is one experience I wish I could go back and fix. To have been more gracious, appreciative, respectful of their space and offer. I will be forever grateful for that time and all she helped me with. My hope at this point is that I can pay it forward to a friend in the future and maybe eventually repair the rift. I hope that I can move forward in life being a positive influence on those around me. I hope I can help someone else figure out what direction to take when all seems lost in their life. It's the least I can do.

amor y paz,

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